I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
