it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
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Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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