you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
