My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
