i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
