then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
