I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
