i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
