btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wear drunk well.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
