He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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