Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
