clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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