I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We talked him into tasing himself.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
