just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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