The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
