Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
