Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
