Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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