Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
