yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
