you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
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