Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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