Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
