ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
