I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
