Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
