You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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