he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
