It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
