I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
