Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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