dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
