I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
