hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The best revenge is premature balding
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
