I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
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In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
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His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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