I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
