dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
my nose is crying tears of wow.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
