we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
