I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
