I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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