I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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