I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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