Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
