Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
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Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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