I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
