Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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