worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
