he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
