If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
