Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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