I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
