my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
