I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
