Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
