I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
