I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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