ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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