Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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