I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize