yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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