I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
